I’m guessing it’s because the school year has finally come to a close.

And I’m scared. 

Scared that my new friends will forget about me.

Scared specifically that a certain someone will forget about me. 

I know I shouldn’t worry about it.  If God wants it to work out, everything will work out. But it doesn’t necessarily soothe the fear. 

Just got to tell myself that no matter what happens, God is in control and knows what He is doing.

I’m just going to have to have faith. I will not let my fear overwhelm me. 

My God is stronger than my fear!

I will move past this sadness.

Plays the song that is story of my life that makes me cry (especially now with it being November) then playing a song about God is faithful and will always work it out somehow. 

So as I’m bawling my eyes out that second song reminded me that God is in control and knows what He is doing and He is going to make it out somehow. :)

(here are the songs just in case you were curious

1) Jason Castro “Love Uncompromised”

2) Josh Wilson “Know by Now”

Yes, God is faithful :) I should know this by now :)

Found out my Aunt is in the hospital. She has been sick and puking all day.  Her husband took her to the doctor and he said you need to get to the Medical University ASAP because something is wrong with her kidney.

My aunt had massive kidney failure years ago and had to have them removed so my mom gave her one. So my aunt only has ONE kidney. So she cannot get sick because her immune system just can’t handle it. So this is a big deal.

She is at MUSC (our medical university) right now and my uncle says he does not know how long they are going to keep her.

Please pray for her if you can,

Thanks,

Tiff

So I wrote this note on my phone during one of my melt downs last week during class. I am not going to change the wording of it because I don’t want to mess with the raw emotions that were being experienced when written. Some of it was a little too personal so I left it out, but I left what I wanted shared:

I’m sitting in class and I don’t even know why.  I’m physically here, but mentally, I am far far away.  I feel like I’m relapsing… and I’m not doing a good job at fighting it. I just don’t know what to think anymore.  I really just want to go to bed and never get out of it.

And on top of all this, or maybe the reason for all this, I’m not sure… is I miss him. And I hate it! Why can’t I just hate him.  Why can’t I just move on like everyone says I should.  Why can’t I just move on like he apparently has (and with no problem at that). It’s not fair…

I keep asking “but God?” or “God why?” but does it really matter?  Like the song “The Hurt and the Healer” by MercyMe says, “Healing doesn’t come from being explained”. 

We can cry and beg God for an explanation all day, but would we understand it? Even if God answered every little question we had, we would still want to know more.  We would ask and ask all day long for more because there is no way for our small finite minds to comprehend God and His mysterious ways.  We may think we have Him figured out, but we really have no clue.

I ask God everyday why things didn’t work out between us.  Why did I screw up? Why did you let me fall in love with someone if I was only going to end up broken, hurt and confused in the end? Why did I feel like you wanted me with him forever? Why did you allow me to get hurt like this? Why did you allow that last response when it came in when it did? Why did you let me feel that feeling of reassurance when it obviously was not true?

I do not know all these answers, and I may never know the whole story.  But one thing I do know is God has all the answers.  All I can do is cry to God for comfort, not answers.  I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.  I have to live for Him, and never let the pain from my loss overbear the love He has given me through all this, because often time I do.

And it was AMAZINGG!

I feel like now I have had the physical “rebirth” to the inner spiritual “rebirth” I had a few months back. It was awesome, me as well as about 8 other of my peers from my new school got baptized, and about 100 other students were there to witness it. It truly was a great experience. I prayed for this opportunity and I am so glad God gave it to me.

I am just so overwhelmed by all the blessings God has given me. I wish I had gone here to begin with, this school is where I belong. I cannot wait to see what God does with me in the upcoming years here at Charleston Southern. 

BTW, here is a picture of me getting baptized :D

God bless yall <3

Though I want to so bad. To just give up on my dream. To give up on what God has shown me He wants for me. To give up on ever having any dream for that matter, because I’m tired of them falling through.  First with my broken engagement, now not being able to afford college. I want to just say fine, I quit. I feel stupid for thinking if I couldn’t afford Winthrop that I could afford Charleston Southern, which costs almost double.

But I can’t shake the feeling God has got something up His sleeve. I cannot give up just yet. I suppose He is just testing my faith. I have cried, but I have not lost hope in Him. I know He can and will provide a way for me to pay this tuition.

He has shown me the path to take, I know He will get me there. I just have to hold on, and keep fighting the good fight of faith. I cannot let this set back keep me down.

God, please make a way. And please grant me the strength to hold on until you do.

Thanks,

Your Daughter, Tiffany

So if you have been on my blog or seen any of my most recent posts, you will know that I need this message now more than ever.  But I am sure I am not the only one who does, so I have decided to put this post together, not just for me and my personal reference, but for my followers too, who may need some help/development in the faith department.

So I’m reading some of my old Bible notes, mainly from my study of the book of Matthew. Due to what’s going on in my life, I am making special notes of the passages/verses on faith:

• The Story of the Roman Solidier (Matt 8:5-15) “‘Go back home. Because you have believed, it has happened.’ And the young servant was healed that same hour” (v. 13)
• Jesus Calms the Storm (Matt 8:23-27) “‘Why are you unafraid? You have so little faith!’ Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm” (v. 26)
• Jesus Heals a Paralyzed Man (Matt 9:1-2) “Some people brought him a paralyzed man on a mat.  Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, ‘Be encouraged, my child! your sins are forgiven” (v.2)
• Jesus Heals a Woman Who Suffered for Years with a Bleeding Problem (Matt 9:19-22) “Jesus turned around and when He saw her He said ‘Daughter be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.’ And the woman was healed at that moment” (v.22)
• Jesus Brings a Young Girl Back to Life Because of Father’s Faith (Matt 9:18-25) “Jesus went in and took the girl by the hand, and she stood up!” (v.25) 
• Jesus Heals the Blind Man (Matt 9:27-30) “Then He touched their eyes and said, ‘Because of your faith, it will happen. Then their eyes were opened, and they could see!” (v.29-30)
• Peter Attempts to Walk on Water After Jesus (Matt 14:22-33) “‘You have so little faith,’ Jesus said ‘why did you doubt me?’” (v.31)
• Faith of a Gentile Woman (Matt 15:21-28) “‘Dear woman,’ Jesus said to her, ‘your faith is great. Your request is granted.’ And her daughter was instantly healed” (v.28)
• All You Need is Faith the Size of a Mustard Seed (Matt 17:14-20) “‘You don’t have enough faith,’ Jesus told them. ‘I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (v.20)
• Jesus Encourages His Disciples to Have Faith (Matt 21:21-22) “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more.  You can even say to this mountain, ‘may you be lifted up and thrown into the sea’ and it will happen. you can pray for anything, and if you  have faith, you will recieve it” (v.21-22)

So recently I watched Tangled for the first time.  And as I was watching it, I was touched by the city’s faith.  If you have not seen the movie, here is what I am talking about.  Every year on the missing princess’s birthday, they release hundreds of lanterns in the night sky, in hopes that she may return.

So they did this for 18 years (until she finally returned home). They did not give up hope that she would return, no matter how many years had passed.

We should be the same way with God.  We should pray without ceasing. Even if we feel our prayers are going unanswered, He still hears our cries.  Just because He has not answered them yet, does not mean He isn’t listening, it just means He is waiting for the right time to give you the answer you ask.  We just have to have faith that He is listening and faith that He will answer our prayer!

“who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:5-9

God bless!

~Tiffany

It is from a young lady I kinda grew up with. She is about 5-8 years older than me, so there isn’t a huge age difference.  She is kinda family (she is my cousin’s wife’s sister) lol so I have grown up with her, though I was never super close to her or anything.

Well anyway, she messaged me this morning sending me encouragement.  Saying how I have inspired her and how proud of me she is to see how I am handling the situation with my break up with my fiance. Her and her now husband broke up several times before finally getting married.  It is so nice to hear from someone who has actually BEEN in my shoes.

This couple went to the same church Josh and I met at and Josh is friends with her husband. So maybe it’s a sign that God is telling me not to lose hope.  Right before bed last night I read Psalm 25, which I labeled the chapter of hope :)

God really is great at sending people at just the right time and to say just the right thing. This has only encouraged me to keep on fighting, to keep on living my life until God is ready to bring us back together :)

Praise God for He is good.  His mercy endures forever!